Artist Interview Series: Tyler Ritter of Shalloboi

Shalloboi is the husband and wife duo of Tyler Ritter and Stefanie Goodwin-Ritter who create dreamy, ethereal, expansive, and intense sounds that are melodic and enveloping. The sounds and songs make me feel like I’m being wrapped in star dust and fog and transported into another realm where feeling all the feels is a beautiful transcendent experience.

I had the pleasure of meeting Tyler through one of the quintessential artist jobs: in a coffee shop! And I was then able to meet his awesome and crafty wife Stefanie! I got to know Tyler over the years and though we no longer work at the same coffee shop, I have always and will continue admire Tyler’s work and artistry that he expresses through his sound. I am so thrilled that he was open to me asking him these personal questions about his work, his inspirations, and his process. Read on for some amazing insight into another artist whose work I truly appreciate and know that you will too! Scroll all the way down to play a few of their songs to get a soundtrack going while you read through the interview!

What is the energy/driving force behind your work?

I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time I'm conscious. Music has always been something that's helped me make sense of everything around me- my emotions and memories in particular- so that's always been what's motivated me to write and record music.

What drew you to your particular medium?

I've just always been fascinated with music and how it's made. My mom told me I used to try to get her to play certain songs for me over and over before I could talk- 'Knights in White Satin' by the Moody Blues is an example. When I hear it now it makes perfect sense to me why I wanted to hear it over and over as a two year old- it's a beautiful song filled with fascinating sounds and some intense emotion. The idea of being able to write songs like that was always an amazing idea to me while I was growing up. A lot of those songs that sparked that interest when I was a kid haven't lost any of their appeal to me over time. Music has a way of freezing time in a way while also bending it.

What’s your view on “failure” vs. “success” when it comes to a completed piece?

A song that's a success is usually very evident as soon as it's finished- there's an unmistakeable feeling that I've managed to communicate the feeling/sound/mood that I'd set out to capture with it in the first place. When I fail to get that across it'll usually lead me down a different path that will reveal something else that I hadn't expected. My biggest failures are usually when I feel like I've asked too much of the listener in a song and not been able to deliver the payoff appropriate for the amount of patience that I've asked for.

What is your opinion or view on the concept of the muse or creative genius?

From what I've observed in writing my own songs the best stuff tends to be something that I have no idea where it's come from and it seems as if I've had little to do with it- I've just served as a conduit for a force that I'm not meant to understand. In that sense I try not to abuse that knowledge, I'm just grateful it still comes around from time to time.

What do you hope your work is communicating to others? What is your work communicating to you?

Getting emotions across is what's most important to me. Capturing a glimpse of some kind of beauty in unexpected places and very small, seemingly insignificant and fleeting moments.

What would you tell someone who doesn’t believe that they’re creative/can be an artist?

There are no mistakes in art.

Could you describe the process of what it looks like to develop your unique style and voice?

I tend to develop a voice and a sound on accident, which just comes from combining what I've been listening to with what I'm going through at any given time. Usually I'm chasing a sound that I'm hearing in my head and will hit upon something that will either match it or surpass it in a way I hadn't expected.

What’re your thoughts on creative blocks? Have you experienced them? What do you do to alleviate them? Where do you think they come from?

When I hit a creative block I think of it as a good time to take a step back and leave something that I've been working on alone for a while. I use blocks as an opportunity to take care of busy work related to writing and recording songs and putting albums together. I don't worry about them because I've always seen them as an opportunity to view the pieces I've been working on as a whole. It's nice in a way because it forces you to remove yourself from it and that's only going to help you see it objectively for what it is. That knowledge helps when the block passes and you dive back into a project.

Could you share some early work/pieces that show your growth along this journey? What has that looked like?

I'm very happy with the fact that there have been many different phases and facets to the type of music I've created and released over the years. There's a lot of growth from album to album and the only reason I've kept making music is because I've always been able to take it somewhere different that's kept me engaged. I've always been really proud of the 'Petals' album, which is the apex of that early sound and setup I was going for when I started writing my own songs. 'All Hope is Blind' is a favorite of mine because it stands very much alone and I've never done anything that's come close to it- on 'Hopelessly, Completely' I was aiming for something similar but it turned out completely different.

What do you feel have been essential elements to your spiritual growth?

Being comfortable with the unknown and the unnameable. Being able to appreciate little, seemingly insignificant moments- when you notice them and appreciate them they become easier and easier to find.

What would you tell someone who is just starting on their artistic journey?

Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

How do you make time for your art practice?

When I'm looking at my week and what I'm working on I try to figure out where pockets of time can be freed up. I'll usually block out an entire day each week to record if I have a bunch of songs to work on. Besides that one day I try to find ways that I can chip away at parts after work or late at night. When I work on recording a song I tend to do it very quickly in a condensed block of time. If I'm in the studio and everything is flowing I tend to not come out until I run out of gas, which can take as little as three hours or as many as nine. At that point everything else gets pushed back to make room.

Any non-art related interests? Hobbies? Favorite things?

I drink a lot of beer and watch a lot of baseball- often at the same time. I brew beer as well sometimes, but that's mostly so I have beer around to drink.

What other creatives inspire you?

Some bands I've been inspired by include- my bloody valentine, Spiritualized/Spacemen 3, the Cure, Sigur Rós, Elliott Smith, Low, Beach House, Swans and Grouper. People I've worked with who've inspired me include- my friend Billy who played cello on most of my releases that have featured cello, my friend Mike who has always helped me when I've needed him, my friend Katelyn who played violin on most of my releases and was one of the most accomplished musicians I've ever worked with and Stefanie, who played drums on my first releases to feature drums and inspired an entire era of the band, not to mention who has played every show with me and gone on both tours I've launched for the band.

Scroll down a bit to get a feel for some of Shalloboi’s songs! Then check them out on Bandcamp HERE or Soundcloud HERE!

What Is A Mandala?

I’m certain that if you’re browsing Instagram at all you’ve happened upon a mandala or something similar. They’re usually black line drawings that are circular, geometric, and heavily detailed in nature. The variations out there are vast! Painted mandalas have become wildly popular as well as wood cuts, laser cuts, simple doodles, yarn/thread creations, wood burning, flower arrangement, and everything in between. But what exactly is a mandala? What are it’s origins, what does it truly symbolize, what makes them so special? Good questions! We’ll get there in time over this mandala series but I would first like to start this series by sharing my perspective on mandalas, what they mean to me, and what I enjoy about them so much!

Mandala work is some of my most treasured and favorite work of my personal art practice. First and foremost, to me, my mandala work is active meditation. There is something very calming, hypnotizing, and all together stress reducing about the art of creating a mandala. There’s something to be said about creating a repetitive and intricate pattern over and over again over the the vastness of a blank piece of paper. At a certain point everything, including myself, seems and feels endless. The possibilities are endless, time is endless, our existence is endless, and the simple places that the mandala I’m working on in the moment is endless!

From a very, seemingly, non-spiritual place-I truly enjoy working small. And I enjoy working small and intricate because I just love detail! And if you also love detail, than working on mandalas or something of a similar nature is a perfect place to truly get lost in the details. Just strictly speaking on utilizing the simple materials of pen and paper you can get so small and so detailed with just a 005 sized Micron! Not to mention all of the detail possibilities when you factor in different materials such as paints, inks, thread, wood, etc. 

There is also something to be said about the precision, geometry, and math that is involved in constructing a mandala.

To me, the mandala is like the unfolding of a moment in time in the ether.

Our reality is constantly ebbing and flowing, shifting, folding and unfolding, all at the exact same time. A mandala, in my practice, is a capture or a still frame of any one of those infinite moments. In capturing that moment, the geometry and math in everything is revealed. And to translate that moment, you need some level of geometry and math to express it! While I never thought I was very strong in math when I was in school (I legitimately almost failed geometry), the math and geometry utilized and applied in the world of mandalas makes complete and utter sense to me-and not only that-I love it! Call it context, call it perspective, call it growing up-either way mandalas have certainly been an avenue for me to explore, cultivate, and continue to grow my math skills. 

In my practice, and many mandala practices and traditions, it all begins in the center. For me, the center is where its at! That’s what we feel right?

It’s all about trying to find our center. Our balance. Our point of calm, of quiet, of peace

There are no smooth seas without storms and it’s always good to be able to find the eye of the storm (your center) when you’re in the shit. Because, ya know, the shit will come. And the shit will go-but there’s something to be said for being able to maintain a sense of inner peace, inner centered-ness through the shit that kinda lets you know everything is going to be ok. Even when your whole life currently feels like a pile of burning tires. Part of my mandala practice, is coming back to my center. Sometimes its about finding it again. Other times it’s about constructing a new place, maybe putting a nice addition on my center. Maybe I wanna put a pool in for the really hot days, you know what I mean. Building up that internal sanctuary is essential; and it doesn’t really matter how you do it or what that practice for you looks like so long as you gift yourself the time to do it. And for me, mandala work is part of that time. Part of the gift to myself. And it’s really nice if you guys like it too. 

Which brings me to my final (at least for now) reflection on my mandala work. Besides it being a very personal practice, I also share my work so that it may become part of your personal practice as well. Whether you choose to pick up a pen and paper and meditate in that way or if my work is able to somehow give you a moment. Stop time if even for a bit just so that you’re able to just breathe. So that you can get real close, see the details and reflect on all the little details that comprise you of who you are. And also get close to see the different mistakes and fuck ups that I make in a piece. I leave them in and/or pivot and create a different pattern that I never intended on. Same shit with you, with me, with all of us. A) you only notice the flaws if you hyper focus on them *why would you wanna do that to yourself or others?!  Like what is the actual point of that practice? B) The flaws make the whole. The flaws need to be there for the whole to be there. Same same. And C) sometimes what I thought was a huge mistake leads to some of my most interesting/creative/way-out-of-left-field work but I love it! Never would have happened if I wasn’t willing to make a mistake. And it certainly wouldn’t happen if a mistake led me to scrapping the whole piece. Again-same shit with you. Make a mistake and either learn/evolve/grow/be better/pivot/create something awesome but don’t scrap it all.

Have you ever been curious about beginning to explore creating mandalas? Do you enjoy the idea of incorporating mandala work as a form of active meditation and/or contemplation? What about mandalas do you enjoy? What draws you to them?

Over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing more of my research into the origins of Mandalas, the different cultural interpretations and rituals surrounding mandalas and I’ll also be sharing tips/tutorials/printables on how to begin constructing your own mandalas! They became fully encompassing and totally addicting once I learned the framework; getting the basics down will set the foundation for you to be able to run wild with the practice! 

Let me know what you would like to know about the mandala or the construction/creation of them! I will do my best to help and give you all of my knowledge and know-how!

How To Feel the Feels You Don't Wanna Feel

Photo by lucas clarysse on Unsplash

Sometimes the life that I want to build seems so close-yet so far away. Will I wake up one day to see that it’s here or have I yet woken up to the realization that it already is? It can be so challenging to allow things to happen in their due time. You can work towards goals and take steps to get you there but we’re all on the Divine’s time and not strictly our own. That level of surrender is hard but at the same time there’s an ease in knowing. Knowing that the Divine and the Divine’s timing is always conspiring FOR you and not AGAINST you. Though that can be challenging to understand, feel, and realize when things don’t seem to be going your way or things aren’t happening the way that you planned or wanted.

I wish I had a more concrete or action oriented strategy beyond allowing yourself to experience that discomfort and allow yourself to feel your way through it-but that’s all I got…

Though, at the end of the day, feeling your way through things is the beginning and the end. To resist how you FEEL about a certain situation translates to you resisting the situation itself. And what’s that phrase “What you resist persists.”

Not allowing yourself to feel through something = going through that something or some version of that something again and again.

To allow yourself to feel something looks a bit different and is more complex than just the feeling itself.

There’s a few steps to it that, for me, allow me to process it in a way that can feel whole or resolved; as though the feeling doesn’t have unfinished business with me. Initially, the feeling begins as reaction before I even know what I’m feeling. Somebody says or does something or something happens to us-we react. We become upset, angry, annoyed, etc-but it’s almost always a reaction to the stimulus.

So when that feeling happens- I allow it. I don’t judge it and I don’t judge myself for feeling it. And then, I ask it. Anger-why are you here? Sadness-why are you here? It sounds crazy, but emotions and feelings are energy bodies just like anything else in the physical realm. Even though they aren’t embodied per se, they are their own frequency and you have the ability to communicate with them (it’s actually pretty fucking awesome, because trust me, they will talk back and let you know!!)

Get quiet. Ask the feeling why it’s here. Listen. It will answer.

Maybe you’ll get an actual sentence, maybe you’ll get a few words, a memory that seems related (or sometimes unrelated for that matter). Something will shoot to the forefront of your mind. Whatever it is-don’t judge it. Let it into your active thoughts, don’t resist it, toss it around the ol’ gem tumbler in your mind and polish it up to see why that feeling has come for a visit.

Whatever the person said to you, whatever scenario you’re in-there’s a good chance that’s not 100% of the reason why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. The situation is stimulus and after that point you are empowered to make choices as to how you are going to react (or not).

Once you’ve tumbled it around, you’ll have a better understanding as to why that specific stimulus caused a specific feeling to come for a visit. With this understanding you bring yourself closer to understanding yourself, how you interact with the world, and the frequency of emotions.

The more understanding you gain, the more easily you’ll be able to observe an experience rather than strictly react. Reaction will, typically, come from a place of judgement. Whereas observation of an experience is just that-viewing without judgement.

So, after you and this feeling have had a chat for a bit, let the feeling know that you love it. In Jungian psychology, the feels that you don’t want to feel are what could be considered ‘shadow’ aspects of yourself. Your shadows are pieces and things about yourself that you may feel shame or guilt or judgement about yourself. And if these shadow-y bits aren’t integrated into your light bits then you kinda walk around with unfinished and internalized junk that ends up coming out as judgement and reaction. Your light is your love.

So let the feels you don’t want to feel know that you love them.

Thank it for its service and its lesson in the visit. Love it free. Love it free and love it into your light bits. We all have shadows, we all have feels we don’t want to feel, we all have darkness inside of us.

Resistance is what allows for it to grow, strengthen, and eventually drive the bus of our consciousness.

But the more we allow ourselves to feel and be with our shadow bits without judgement and the more work we do to integrate those aspects INTO our light (as opposed to trying to rid ourselves of them-which is a losing battle). We’ll actually be able to observe, feel, and process the world freer, completer and clearer. And our light will stay in the driver’s seat of our consciousness.

And it’ll just feel so much better than doing the constant dance of stimulus reaction. You abdicate the power you have over your own thoughts and feelings when you give your being to reaction.

Do you have any tips on how you feel the feels you don’t wanna feel? Do you think that speaking to these feelings will enable you to get to know them better? I would love to hear your thoughts!

What's Lies Between Understanding and Action?

Photo by Joe Beck on Unsplash

Understanding——————Action

This gap. This in-between. The practice of putting understanding into action, to me, can feel like one of the hardest paths to walk. But in the gap from understanding to action-what’s there? What’s in between these two points? What is it about this gap that makes it seem un-crossable? Unable to be conquered?

Since so many things can be drawn back to fear-is it the fear of leaving the certainty of understanding? Or what we tell ourselves is certainty? We can convince ourselves and become very certain of what we believe we understand. And those understandings may very well be truths, but does there need to be action in your truths? Does truth need to be made a verb before a full understanding can be reached? In a lot of ways, I believe so. Just the same as faith, hope, love, joy, etc are not only feelings ( concepts, understandings) they are verbs (actions, movements).

What is in between understanding (concept) love and being in love (action)?

The Fog-Covered Bridge of the Unknown!

Thunder claps. Lightning strikes. Windows rattle. Scary music booms.

When we’re standing on the side of understanding, often we can see the first board or the first step on this bridge to the other side. But after that first step, it always seems like there’s a dense blanket of fog laying over it. So thick, that we can’t possible see to the other side, even though we know it’s there.

But here’s some good news; do you know what burns and dissipates the density of fog?!

Light and Motion

Have you noticed that when it’s really foggy out and you step through what seemed to be a forever cloud what ended up dissipating that fog? YOU. YOU are the thing that makes the fog dissolve.

You are Light IN Motion

The density will part and make way for you. The steps become clearer and as you continue to move forward they become clearer still. We don’t walk through this fog with the fear that there’s a black hole on the other side of it. We know that as we move through-it parts, things crystalize, and there was something on the other side of it all along. So how do we navigate this in a more ethereal and non-physical sense? What does it take to take the first step onto that bridge and continue forward? What does it take to leave certainty (understanding), move through the fog and approach action? To turn understanding into action?What do we think is in the fog? Or below us on the bridge? Are we fearful to fall? Into failure? Shame?

This is the zone under the bridge I like to call the:

Bog of Not Enoughs

In recent times I have realized that one of the keys to being able to step into that fog and work your way across that bridge is to understand and face what is in your Bog of Not Enoughs. Easier said than done of course; but this is meant to be continual exploration and refinement. There is no finish line here.

So how do we begin exploring our bogs? Well, you know I love to journal, so let’s bust that shit out!

Here are some journal prompts for you to begin exploring your bog; let’s put some names on the things in your bog. Let’s interact with the things in our bog; the thoughts, the feelings, the self talk.

• What hangs out in your bog? What are you afraid of ‘falling into’ when moving from certainty to uncertainty?

• In what ways do you feel like you are not enough? How do you measure your worth?

• Do you lay your worthiness in things outside of yourself? If so, what are those things? Your looks? Your job? Money? Things?

• How could you show up for yourself to shift your worthiness from external to internal worth?

• What do you fear when it comes to stepping foot across that bridge? Failure? Shame? Impostor syndrome?

I hope that these questions help you dip a toe into what is in your Bog.

When you name the scary thing then its hard for the scary thing to have a hold over you. Let’s start naming the scary things. Name the things in your Bog.

If you feel called to share: what’s in your bog?

Control Isn't Possible: Surrender and Pivot

I have been and continually work on my controlling tendencies or need to control. I’ve discovered over the years that much of my need for control almost always stemmed from fear. Fear of loss, fear of hurt, abandonment, shame, etc. So I would try to exert control over a situation or circumstance or feeling to give me the desired outcome-or at least one that didn’t involve any of those things previously listed. Now, I don’t feel the need to attempt to control circumstances per se but I am still working on still feeling the need to control how my life is going to fully unfold even though I know that one must

surrender to the unfolding

I can feel myself doing the dance of control vs. surrender with myself and in my communication to the Universe. It almost always seems to be a head vs. heart experience while I fully understand that the balance is in the joining-not the dividing and compartmentalizing-of the two.

I’ve come to understand and learn, about myself, that the desire to control the unfolding lies in a the desire for a specific outcome. But-just like the outcome-control is out of our reach. It’s like a dangling carrot that we’re somewhat programmed to believe that we CAN grab! We’re usually told that if you do A then B will happen. And oftentimes, that can seemingly hold true, which I think only serves to reinforce the narrative of a predictable (and therefore potentially controllable) outcome.

but the A to B model doesn’t account for the X Factor!

If you’ve been on this earth long enough to have had an experience EVER then you know the X Factor is always at play. We are living in an ever flowing, ever moving, ever changing dynamic energy system. The most non-linear existence in all actuality so A to B doesn’t usually ever pan out because of the X Factor.

Honestly, Outkast put it so simply and so spot on: You can plan a pretty picnic but you can’t predict the weather.

Could a single phrase really do any better at encompassing the notion of control being a complete farce?! That’s the dance of Action vs. Outcome. Planning vs. Predicting.

Think of this picnic: Now, because it rained (even though you couldn’t truly predict that) should you have never planned the picnic? Some may look back with hindsight and say the picnic shouldn’t have been planned-but I say “Why not?”

Because, now, let’s examine where we are when we say why not and we don’t worry about what we had planned. When we surrender to the flow, the unfolding, the X Factor, and we let go for the need to control the outcome.

We are here. We are present. We are presence.

Instead of looking back and feeling the need to control the outcome (living in woulda shoulda coulda land-which is desolate, nothing grows there, don’t hang out there too long if you can help it!) When we engage with the present circumstance as opposed to fixating on the control of a desired outcome; we summon our power to pivot. We can pivot from the point of where we are. So what does that look like for our rained out picnic? Maybe you roll out a blanket in the living room and picnic there, maybe try that new restaurant down the street instead, or maybe take a nap until the rain stops and picnic later…you get the picture.

Presence gives you the possibility to pivot.

This is a continual practice, it’s easier said than done. Easier imagined than practiced. And easier to know than to feel.

Do you have the desire to control the outcome or situations in your life? Are there any practices that you employ to allow yourself to surrender to the unfolding? Does that make you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, light, breezy? Let me know! I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Artist Interview Series: Paul Ramirez

This is the beginning of a new series that I’m starting highlight artists, their practice, their path , and everything in between. I truly believe that at the heart of every creative person there is an amazing well-spring of information, insight, and perspective that we can all learn things from! I also believe that creativity is something inherent in us all and that any one can be an artist or can live your life as a creative person. I hope these interview series will give a deeper glimpse into the vastness of our inner worlds and how each of us have something beautiful and worthwhile to share.

‘Orchestra Noir’ oil on panel

Paul Ramirez

OUTLAW. ANTIQUATED ASSHOLE. DISRUPTING FINE ART.

Full disclosure: Paul and I are partners and I love him-BUT-even if he didn’t have access to my toothbrush, I would still say that he is one of my favorite artists. He consistently pushes the limits of his own vision, his mind, and his heart. Ever learning, ever stretching, and fully allowing the discomfort in growth. He’s the first in this series as he was patient enough to answer all of the questions I have and I know that you will be able to gather some amazing insights from his unique perspectives! Read on and feel free to ask any questions you may have below!

What is the energy/driving force behind your work?

This is a complex question; to put it as simply as possibly can: a creative reflecollection and consistent celebration for my zeal for life.

What drew you to your particular medium?

As a multi-disciplinary artist I would say fascination with form is what drives me towards exploring most mediums that I find interesting; so whatever best describes form in all its glory.

What’s your view on ‘failure’ vs. ‘success’ when it comes to a completed piece?

Success is any piece that gets accomplished and failure isn’t failure. Failure was a successful endeavor into gathering data, and the artist successfully chooses to abandon a project once the data necessary has been obtained.

Do you have any rituals or routines that you do to get yourself into the creative zone?

I do! Primarily showering/changing clothes. Sometimes smoking or lighting palo santo, intermittent dance breaks, and enjoying silence and solitude. These things allow me to enter and maintain an active meditative state crucial to completing my work.

What is your opinion or view on the concept of creative genius?

It is very much a real thing. Genius, however, isn’t something that is obtainable such as purchasing an object and keeping it on your desk for later use. Genius, from my perspective, is a constant work it’s a state of mind reachable by all as a birthright. Some have take the time to do the spiritual work that allows your intelligence to interact in this space and others haven’t.

What would you tell someone who doesn’t believe they are creative/can be an artist?

I would tell them that they aren’t an artist-if that’s how they feel. I would tell them they can completely be an artist as soon as they decide to feel like one. The issue lays in allowing yourself to live as an artist-emotionally, spiritually, financially, and intellectually.

Could you describe the process of what it looks like to develop your unique style and voice?

Regardless of aesthetic choices in rendering a piece of art, I truly believe it comes down to someones ability to totally be preset in their work and subsequently developing their own idiosyncratic language visually, intellectually, and emotionally. The process is difficult to describe but as best as I can-it’s the willingness to seek out and foster the you-est of you against all odds in this life.

‘Subrosa’ oil on wood round

Do you have a spiritual practice/view on the universe/belief in a larger power? What does that look like?

I most definitely believe in a higher power. I was raised Catholic but don’t fully identify as that nor do I truly practice in a fashion that would put me in a similar place as practicing Catholics. I primarily hold the view in a vein similar to the Native American view being that literally EVERYTHING is the Great Spirit.

Do you feel your spiritual view informs your art practice?

Absolutely! Art is the reverberation of the great conversation with self and the Universe.

What do you feel have been essential elements in the cultivation of your spiritual growth?

I would say recognizing myself in places I had no intention of being in. Poor mental states. Neglect. Radical honesty has been the greatest catalyst to any spiritual growth. Psychedelics as a most potent tool. Eventually recognizing myself as the teacher and the student.

What would you tell someone just starting out on their artistic journey?

That art is everything and nothing with a twist. You get out of it what you put into it and it’s a long arduous journey of trial and error but one of the most AMAZING practices that one can take up. Certainly not for everyone but for those who are willing to weather the storms, it’s always a life well lived.

How do you make time for your art practice? What would you tell someone when they say they ‘don’t have time to create’?

I make time because it’s my hyper-focused top priority. It’s the DEFAULT TAB of my brain’s currency system. There is no other choice! If someone were to say that they don’t have time to create then I would tell them: you will never have time for art. Life is a long lesson of humility and with the correct attitude one can accomplish anything. It’s a matter of making those adjustments regardless of how obtuse or acute.

Non art: favorite things, interests, hobbies?

I love being of service/being helpful in any way that I can. Weightlifting, bike riding, archery, cannabis, scotch/whiskey/bourbon, nice clothing, and opulence.

‘Triple Black Diamond’ charcoal and pencil on paper

I hope you made it to the end! Please check out more of Paul’s work here! I have truly only shown you a baby sample of his work and how awesome it is! I thank him for his patience in answering these questions (this was only part of what he answered)! If you have any questions for Paul about his work or anything else-feel free to ask below! I will be sure to pass the questions along to him! And if there are any artists that you are interested in getting to know a bit better; please leave me some suggestions on who you would love to learn more about!

Discomfort=Growth

It’s not worth blaming ourselves over our apprehension, and sometimes complete polarization, to growth. Our biology and our brains are hardwired to keep us comfortable. Our whole being doesn’t want to put us in distress or discomfort so it believes its protecting us by choosing to play small, not taking risks, not pushing ourselves and our boundaries. It’s  just like any progress in a fitness or physical sense. There are plateaus and times when you reach a point of either running at the same speed/distance or lifting the same amount of weight. The discomfort of moving forward completely stalls your progress. The only way to go farther, get stronger, improve, progress- is to push yourself to go beyond your boundaries and plateaus. Let yourself be uncomfortable and demonstrate to your mind/body/soul that discomfort doesn’t equal death but that discomfort leads to continual {sometimes macro sometimes micro} re-births. So run further, have the hard conversations, lift heavier weights, make your art, speak your truth. 

I also believe that there’s an inherent fear or apprehension to progress because there will inevitably be “failure”. In a very linear or black and white sense, you either reach your goal or you don’t. You succeed or you fail. But there is nothing about growth and progress that is linear.

There are no straight lines in nature and there is nothing black and white about life.

So why, then, put the stress of success vs. failure on your back when the trees don’t even feel the need to grow to the sun in a straight and linear line? View the patterns of growth among the plants around you. They all bend, turn, snake, maneuver, creep, crawl, burst, bloom, close, shed, bend, sometimes break, and bear fruit. This. This is what growth looks like. There will be periods of bends, twists, turns, and breaks. Periods of blooming and fruits. Periods of growth so slow it feels like a crawl. Periods of shedding and a little breaking; getting rid of what no longer serves your growth or is slowing it down and inhibiting it. But imagine if, in an alternate world, a tree was fearful of all of that. And said, “No! No! Fuck that no thank you I’m completely fine just staying this seed in the ground. Imagine a flower staying a bulb and never realizing its fullest potential due to fear.

The seed doesn’t know what it will be, it just knows that it needs to grow to get there. And does it. 

The Misappropriation of our Imagination: Beginning to Shed Light on Our Anxious and Fear-based Thoughts

Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash

Why do we tend to use our imagination to visualize our failures or worst case scenarios as opposed to everything being (mostly) awesome and to our benefit?

If we're supposed to be the greatest keepers of our dreams and visions-then we (myself included) are doing a really shit job sometimes. If it was an open position in the universal ether- I wouldn't always hire myself! 

Anxiety/imagining worst case scenarios stems from two places for me: fear and control. I have deeply programmed myself to imagine worst case scenarios since I was a child because it was how I could prepare myself. It was how I could “get ahead” of what i could potentially walk into and experience every day. That use of my imagination gave me a false sense of control over what the future could hold. As though if I imagined the worst things then I couldn’t be surprised. I would be able to have the upper-hand on disaster, on hurt, on sadness, on anger.  Though in reality, sometimes the bad things happened anyway. And sometimes they didn’t happen at all; or not nearly to the extent that I imagined. But-in life, from time to time- the hurt happens anyway. the pain, the sadness, the anger, the turbulence. They will happen anyway. But as you move out of those spaces: places of trauma, bad relationships, toxic environments; sometimes we carry over the coping mechanisms we created into our new, healthier, and more evolved environments.

This imagination use-stemming from fear and control-were defense and coping mechanisms that I needed, created, and used at the time. My child mind utilized those mechanisms to get through it all but they no longer serve me-and actually are a hindrance as I’ve evolved into the more conscious and adjusted (ha!) adult that I am today. The circumstances have changed and I am no longer in a place where those mechanisms serve me. 

As we grow, evolve, shift, and change we must revisit our old ways of operating.

What worked to get us through traumatic aspects of our childhood won’t always work for us now. We're running a new machine on old software-old and outdated operating systems.  So how do you update and reprogram your operating systems? Positive thinking won't necessarily shift it all; though I do believe that what we say to ourselves on a daily basis (consciously and subconsciously) direct and drive our actions and life. I more so believe that we must put new ways of thinking and new operating systems into practice. In this case, practicing using our imagination for ideas that serve us, our spiritual well being, our mental health, and ultimate goals as opposed to using our imagination to perpetually run the loop of fear and a false sense of control.  At this point I can imagine hearing you say “ Oh yeah wow yeah that’s really great but what the fuck does that mean? What the fuck does that look like?” To me it begins with loving your fear and your need for control into your light. It looks like beginning to speak to the child or the young adult or who you are today and letting them know that they are loved and held for who they are and who they had to become to get through certain traumas. And that you are loved and held as you move through the release of what no longer serves you. 

I call for you to get quiet. To call upon the child that you were when these coping mechanisms first formed and ask them some questions. Love them. See them. Integrate them.

Below are some questions to journal/meditate on and some mantras to infuse into your cells and meditate upon as your child-self. As the child that formed these mechanisms in the hope to shed some light onto the why so that you may begin to untangle the need for their use.

Journal prompts: 

• Where did you learn to use your imagination for fear/control/anxious thoughts etc?

• From whom did you learn this or was this a mechanism you created for yourself? What were the situations or specific traumas that created this need?

• Are you in a place now where this mechanism is no longer serving you? What work have you done to release yourself from toxic environments/relationships/ etc? Celebrate that!! If so, how could you begin practicing using your imagination for wonder and joy instead? is there an art practice you could pick up, dance, music, writing?

• If you are in a place where you still feel the need to utilize this mechanism, are there ways you can begin to shift yourself out of it? Do you need to set clearer boundaries with a person or an environment? What does that look like to you and how can you go about implementing that for yourself? Imagine this in baby steps; A-Z doesn’t happen in a day. A toxic environment or relationship or mental space doesn’t happen in a day and the untangling of it won’t necessarily happen in a single day either. Be gentle and kind to yourself as your begin the un-doing.

Mantras

Use these to begin re-writing your mind; enforce new patterns and begin to re-write your history. If these resonate with you-great! If not, think of some mantras that resonate with you and where you are on your journey. Things like this will only be effective if they first and foremost have resonance with you.

• I love fear into my light.

• I love control into my light.

• I am capable of re-writing the trauma that was written onto my cells.

• I am worthy of releasing trauma and stepping into my fullest self. 

Sacred Animals Series: The Stag

This is a continuation of the Sacred Animal Series; currently featured is The Stag.

Vitality

“As we begin to love and appreciate ourselves as we are, our channels open and we access the infinite vitality of life force.”

Shakti Gawain

Vitality is almost always interchangeably used with life force, energy, and/or internal fire. Vitality is the stream of the electricity of the All that moves through each and everyone of us. The Stag’s vitality is energetically shown through its stance, its movements, its connection and aliveness to the nature it inhabits. When observing The Stag, you are able to truly see the force of life pulsing through it. You can feel the energy and its magnetism, so much so that you pause and your breath is taken away. Vitality is a sure foot, a steady breath, a clear vision, and a grounded heart.

Your most vital and powerful self is in this very moment.

Vitality is also directly linked to your vital signs; the four primary signs that are tested to see how your body is functioning. It’s imperative to not only keep note of our physical vital signs but our spiritual and emotional ones as well. 

Here are some journaling/meditation prompts to bring you into closer connection with your vitality-your life force, the powerful essence that is flowing through you at each moment!

• Respiration (breath) rate, body temperature, pulse rate, and blood pressure. These are the four primary vital (physical) signs that are routinely tested. How do each of these correlate to your spiritual and emotional vital signs? The temperature of your passions? The pulse of your joy? Take some time to reflect and make a list of your vitals! What keeps your energy/life force/vitality flowing?

• Are there some areas of your life force or energy that have felt blocked or un-attended to? In what ways can you re-direct the flow into those places?

• What makes you feel your most alive? Do you do that thing often? If so, how have you noticed that energy of your aliveness affect other aspects of your life and those around you? If not, why not?

• Stop. Check your breath. Take one minute to just pause and breathe. Feel your life force flow through you within that breath. Where could you begin to love and appreciate yourself as you are? 

Sacred Animals Series: The Stag

This will be the beginning of a series that I’ll be doing on the blog all about sacred animals. To me, all animals are sacred and hold so much wisdom and guidance for us in our day to day lives. I think that we could benefit to take many lessons and ideas from the animal kingdom and utilize them as windows and mirrors into our own lives. I will periodically explore certain animals that truly speak to me and the lessons and traits that I believe we can gleam from them to help serve us in our human lives.  There’s an inherent intelligence that exists amongst the animals that seems to cut through all of the noise and confusion of our human existence; I hope to shed some light into the noise!

The first in this series will be The Stag. Each week I will highlight a certain trait of the stag and dive a little deeper into them with journal prompts and quotes!

    The Stag represents:

grace, strength, vitality, reverence, and fierce love.

The Stag is seen as the protector or King of the Forest and keeps watch over all the other creatures within it. The Stag also embodies and represents the dance of masculine and feminine energies within a single being or entity.

    The Stag’s presence is powerful and revered amongst all the creatures of the forest yet only utilizes force when necessary. The Stag also calls upon our ability to pay keen attention; they are skiddish and require a stillness to be able to connect with their beauty and the nature they inhabit. In this stillness, we make room for observation, connection, and integration. The Stag is mysterious and has been a symbol of The Mysteries for ages. Their value has often put them in the literal cross hairs of violence. They are hunted and their antlers are taken as a symbol of the fierce love and strength they possess. For many living in this human experience, The Stag’s qualities either seem unattainable or they are unwilling to do the inner work to achieve them.

Grace

“Grace, like water, flows to the lowest part.”

Philip Yancey

Grace is commonly defined as simple elegance or refinement of movement. Grace can also take on the connotation of divinity or divine influence. Grace is about having and practicing a loving-kindness for yourself and those around you. As the King of the Forest, The Stag showcases and demonstrates this loving kindness to all the creatures that dwell within it. Also, as the guardian and gatekeeper of your internal forest, The Stag calls upon your ability to show this loving kindness to yourself. Within your internal forest is a well spring of this divinity or divine influence that is in endless supply. In doing deep, internal work, we may dig and find things that are not to our liking or parts of us that we may make us feel unlovable, unworthy, or even ugly. In those places, the low parts, we must let grace flow into them. And with grace, we are then able to integrate those aspects of ourselves into our whole and completely loved being.

Below are some downloadable journal prompts to help you dig deeper into the quality of grace! Do you think we have many things to learn from animals? What animal are you most drawn to? Do you have any suggestions of animals that you would like me to do for this series? Let me know!

In so many of the spiritual texts that ive read over the years, a continual and perpetual idea has persisted. The idea of detachment. The idea of being able to give up everything that is physical and material to be able to achieve a certain level of enlightenment. To not have a need or desire for anything that is on this physical plane to bring us joy. And once you’re able to achieve this certain level of detachment, or lose the need for anything material, then you’re set. Its like a fucking one way ticket to a perfectly curated and beaded pillow next to the Buddha himself out in the ether. But guess what? A) that’s not really how it works and B) we're here in a very physical realm and the idea of being completely detached from anything physical to create a certain level of spiritual understanding or spiritual "enlightenment" is the exact reason why we live paycheck to paycheck and why we will never be able to have everything that we really want.

The concept of detachment is nice and all: to not rely on and need anything outside of ourselves to achieve a true sense of joy, one-ness, enlightement, you know-the good shit. The shit that really does matter. But we are all human bodies having very physical and human experiences. This plane is completely rooted and created in the physical realm and if we were born into this plane then we have the right and deserve to have everything that we truly desire on the physical plane. I view detachment as not needing things to feel whole and the things not completing or ruling my life.  

An example of this, to me, is say you want a really nice couch. say that when you come home after a long day you truly enjoy the act of sitting on a soft, comfy, squishy, deluxe, and awesome couch. You work and make good money to be able to afford this luxurious couch. Because you want it and you deserve it. It’s truly that simple. So, you get it home and have it for two days and it somehow becomes completely and utterly destroyed. The dog gets water booty all over it, some neighborhood kid breaks into your house and stomps mud into it, and somehow it catches fire. All completely non-sense in a true scenario but you get what I”m saying. Detachment is laughing and hauling this now garbage ass couch to the dumpster and saying well that was fucking hilarious.

Detachment doesn't come from the not wanting; detachment comes from being whole without having.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a nice, and luxurious couch to place your sweet ass onto after a long day.  There is nothing wrong with feeling worthy of a piece of furniture that brings you joy. It doesn’t make you less conscious, less aware, less spiritual [insert buzzword here]. If you are here on this physical plane then you are meant, and have been given the opportunity, to have and enjoy what is possible on this physical plane. This could look so many different ways for so many different people; what matters is what it looks like to you. Maybe a luxury car is something you care about and desire but you could wear sweatpants every day and not care. maybe all you really want is organic food in the fridge but you drive a beater Honda to the farmer's market. You can have whatever you want and it doesn't need to look, sound, smell, taste, or feel any other way than what is truly authentic to you.

Luxury and abundance are your birthright.

If you are here then you are meant to have everything it is that you truly and authentically want and desire. Sure, you’re also here to figure out some hard shit but you can still sit on a luxurious plush ass couch while you journal about it. Speaking of! There’s some dowloadable journal prompts just for you below! I think as thinking and conscious humans on this spiritual path there is some unpacking to do when it comes to luxury, abundance, and desires for physical things. So let’s unpack this shit!

WTF Is...

I’m going to be starting a new WTF Is… series based on all of the different things I see floating around in the wellness/holistic/health/beauty/etc space. Some of these products and supplements are awesome and I think serve to help us or at least can contribute to certain aspects of our well-being. I don’t believe all of what is served to us as “magic pills” or “necessary supplements” is necessarily true.

Though I believe that the only way to truly know if anything will work for us is to, first and foremost, become informed. I want to give brief overviews to certain products, herbs, supplements, and substances to hopefully encourage you to kickstart your own research into these things. My information is not the end all be all and you should always do your own research on things before you decide to implement them into your daily routine. Because what works for me, or anyone else for that matter, will not always work for you.

I think the age of the guru is coming to a close- it’s time for the age of YOU!

You are the one and only being that knows what feels good and feels right for you; so listen to that!

With as much access as we have to information, we should take our health and well-being into our own hands. Do the research. Figure out what works for your body and your body alone.

I’ll be creating infographics and linking you to articles that you may read to gain further insights. First up is

WTF Is…Ashwagandha

Research pages

• Wikipedia page about the plant itself

• National Library of Medicine article; in-depth!

• An article on Ashwagandha as used in Ayurvedic medicine

Have you taken Ashwagandha before? Has it worked for you and your body? What benefits or adverse affects did you notice? Do you like being given article links to continue on with your own research? Let me know!

Sometimes we can be so fucking smart that we actually negotiate so much with our minds that we work against ourselves. This shows up in so many ways. Example: I have a goal to get out of bed at 5 am every Wednesday to go to a HIIT class. Then the brain negotiations: well you can always do it after work so that means you get to sleep an extra hour. I mean it doesn't really matter WHEN you do it, so long as you do it right? It’s kinda rainy out, do you want to get your shoes wet? If I don't go to class this time then I'll commit to going to the rest of the classes this month. etc etc etc and on and on it goes as I'm sure you understand because we do this with literally everything that is good for us and helps us out in any way.

This class, for example, is a priority. Even moreso-working out and feeling good is a priority. But maybe we can take it one step further.

In addition to making something a priority-we must make it non-negotiable.

We make action steps that will help us achieve our goals (if they’re working and serving us) non-negotiable. Ie: we do not make room for allowing our minds to out smart us out of the things that we truly want. There are a lot of things as a creative that I don’t really want to do but I know that I need to do them. I need to do them to allow my voice and vision to be heard and seen, I need to do them to create an audience, I need to do them because if I want to pay my bills with my own business then I need to do the hard NON_NEGOTIABLE shit that will make that happen. I would much prefer to sit and draw and embroider all day-not take pictures of anything, not post things to instagram, not contact galleries for shows, the list goes on. But I have to implement the action steps of allowing my work to work for me and that makes the things that I don't really want to always be doing not just a priority but a non-negotiable.

Waking up an hour early each day to meditate and journal has become a non-negotiable-simply because I'm a bit of a monster without doing it. I need that simple quiet space to gather my thoughts, gather my heart, and set my mood and intention for the day. My daily mental health is not only a priority- its NON NEGOTIABLE. that simple flip in idea changes a lot and moves things into better alignment. That shift in thinking allowed me to realize that i was justifying my INACTION through "logic" and "reasoning" that my brain was really good at doing.

in a lot of ways i feel that negotiation and doing these mental olympics with yourself is a fear response. It can seem ridiculous but we often fear our abilities. fear our potential. We can fear the possibility of reaching our goals, achievement, and being exactly who we believe we can be. Because we all know that when you work towards achieving goals, striving to be better, and doing more each day what do we usually come across? The big brick fuck-you-wall-of-failure. Which is truly awesome because failure is just as much of the process as success (this will be a topic I explore more in depth later-because lordt knows we all love to hate failure).

I love me some journaling- it helps me brain dump and organize my thoughts, work things out, and generally voice everything that I have tossing about in my mind. I’ve created a freebie journaling prompts sheet that you can download on the topic of priorities and non-negotiables. I’ve also created some mantra images that you can print surrounding this topic that hopefully will help you remember to keep yourself (your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health) NON-NEGOTIABLE!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Are there any priorities that you’ve set for yourself that you seem to be unable to show up for? Is the shift of priority to non-negotiable helpful for you? What would you like to make non-negotiable for yourself? Are there any tips and tricks you can give to help create this mental shift?

I really don’t like cleaning; but I really love having a clean and organized space. Because I’m an average person that doesn’t have the extra cash flow to hire someone to do this work for me, I decided that instead of letting all of my shit pile up for weeks and then go on a cleaning frenzy I should create a cleaning schedule that makes my life easier. Sometimes creating a system helps to break certain tasks down into more manageable chunks. How’s the saying go? How do you eat an elephant-one bite at a time! Same rings true for me and housecleaning and generally any sort of adulting. But adulting, at the end of the day, makes me feel good. And it leaves my mind and time open to do other things that I truly enjoy more be it cooking, creating, reading, or doing nothing.

I’ve included a PDF of my personal weekly cleaning schedule that I hope helps you out too! Keep in mind that this cleaning schedule is built and created for a one bedroom apartment but I believe that it’s broken down in a way that could be applicable to any type of home you have. And because I really love doing things other than cleaning, the bulk of the cleaning is done during the work week-which leaves your weekends entirely cleaning free aside from the daily maintenance shit like dishes. But if your work week lands your weekends on different consecutive days then, by all means, adjust accordingly to keep you free of chores as much as possible during your days off!

There’s nothing like the feeling of having a clean and organized home, because for me I feel like it allows me to have a clean and organized internal space as well. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but when I’m feeling internally gunky and generally don’t know what I’m doing with my life-my home will reflect that. There will be piles of books and papers everywhere, dishes in the sink, and I haven’t folded laundry in two weeks. It’s the physical equivalent of keeping all the tabs open from my brain except it’s spilling all over my table and I have to move everything to eat dinner. No bueno. So, instead, I use this to help keep my physical and internal worlds clutter free!

Do you have any tips or tricks for creating a clutter free space? Do you have a schedule that you like to follow or do you struggle with keeping the clutter and mess under control? Let me know how and if you notice a correlation between internal and external clutter! I think it’s an interesting parallel to discuss!

Hello! I wanted to introduce myself and give you an understanding as to what I wish for this space to be and what I hope to accomplish! My name is Maria and I have been on some level of a spiritual and wellness journey or path since I was about 8 years old. I've lost my way from time to time but always end up coming back to source. Throughout my time here on earth I have been ecstatic, devastated, content, broken, apathetic, fulfilled, sick, well, and everything in between. I wish and will strive for this space to be a place where I'm able to share the lessons from these states of being, knowledge that I've acquired, fuck-ups, mis-steps, wisdom that I've gained, and questions yet explored. 

The foundation of this blog will be based on an understanding that i have come to: there are key fundamentals that, I believe, we require to live in our fullness. Every single one of us was born and meant to be at our fullest and highest self. There are NO "throw away" people in the sense that all of us have an innate purpose to our existence. And, as we've all experienced, there are a lot of elements that seem to cause us to not live this way. We become distracted, tired, discouraged, confused, and don't know where to begin. In my own journey of striving to live in my fullness, I've realized a through line of certain factors that remain a constant. These are the separate fountains that individually contribute to and make up my Foundations of Fullness. 

1-Conscious/mindful/informed/pleasureful eating

2-Spiritual relationships and practices

3-The relationship with self/internal/shadow work

4-Meditation/mindfulness

5-Creative/artistic expression/making/curation of your space

6-Body maintenance/exercise/movement

7-The sharing of your gifts

These are, for me, what have truly been the keys to living in my fullness. I am a real ass person doing my best on this journey that I call The Mess of Rising. Some days I feel like I have it all together and then other days I eat tater tots for dinner. But you know what: both are real, both are valid, both are beautiful, and both are necessary. If I ever feel out of balance or out of alignment, I check in with where I am in these categories and will always find an imbalance or lack. In following posts, I will go into detail about what each of these foundations mean to me and how I define them. From there, all posts will hopefully serve to help myself and you keep each of these fountains flowing and your cup full. There will also be a healthy dose of art, tutorials, printables, journal prompts, and more!

There is no perfection on this path and that’s an amazing and liberating thing. We’re all just doing our best and this is my contribution to hopefully help you, myself, and the collective. I hope that you will find this space encouraging, engaging, informative, helpful, challenging, and inspiring!